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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29980158">You Deserve More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondick/pseuds/herondick'>herondick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:15:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29980158</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/herondick/pseuds/herondick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>*This fic contains spoilers from Chain of Iron!!*</p><p>A little look into James's thoughts after the end of Chain of Iron.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, James Herondale/Will Herondale, Magnus Bane/James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/James Herondale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Deserve More</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: all character belong to Cassandra Clare<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p>James did not know how long he gripped Cordelia’s glove in his hand. He did not know how long the carriage had been rolling through the streets of London. Hours, days, perhaps. He did not know nor did he care.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Since they had left the train station, his mind had been filled with an eerie silence. He felt cold, numb, and useless. He had been utterly blind and stupid, and he had ruined everything. He had lost Cordelia and Matthew, the two people in his life whom he cared for the most. Lucie, his dear sister, was missing. <em>Missing!</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>When did it all go to hell? </em>He thought to himself. Perhaps everything had been going downhill for a while now. Once upon a time, The Merry Thieves, with the addition of Cordelia and Lucie, had been so open with each other. There were no secrets, no lies. But now, it was obvious to James that there were so many secrets, and none of them knew how to communicate with each other. This mess could have been avoided so easily.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Jamie <em>bach</em>,” Will whispered, reaching out a hand to place it on James’s knee. “Are you alright? You are looking rather pale.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>James looked up at his father. Will was also looking worse for wear; his mouth was set in a tight line of worry, his blue eyes full of sorrow and anxiety. “I’m just worried about Lucie,” he responded. “I just- just hope she’s alright. Wherever she is.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Will nodded solemnly. James felt a pang in his heart at the sight of the devastation across Will’s features. “Lucie is a strong girl, James. She is alright. We will find her.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>James took a deep breath and nodded, knowing his father was speaking those words aloud more for himself than anyone else. Magnus, who was sitting beside Will, mumbled quietly in agreement. He hadn’t said much to James since their conversation at the train station, but James welcomed the silence.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He felt like he deserved it, anyway.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He knew that once he had a moment to think about everything that has happened, he would feel great pain. He didn’t really know how to prepare for it. He didn’t know how to live in a world where Cordelia and Matthew despised him. He didn’t know what he would do if something were to happen to Lucie.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>James looked out the window of the carriage, at the darkness of London surrounding them. He let himself, just for a moment, think about Cordelia and Matthew. Was Cordelia happy? Was Matthew making her laugh? James knew it was possible. As some of his lowest points in life, Matthew had always been there to bring a smile to his face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Perhaps Matthew could make Cordelia happier than James could. He could picture it in his mind. The two of them, walking through the streets of Paris, laughing together, maybe even holding hands.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>James knew Cordelia wanted to travel, and see the world. She craved adventure, and Matthew could offer that gift to her. He already had. She deserved a life full of love and happiness, one that could make her feel special and alive. There was a time when James thought he could give that to her, but now he didn’t know.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>You deserve more, Daisy</em>, James thought to himself, fighting back the choking sensation in his throat. He glanced quickly around the carriage, looking over at Magnus and Will. Will had his head bent down, and Magnus was looking over at him and James with slight worry in his eyes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When they found Lucie and had her safely back home, he would think about it. He would go to Paris, and try to earn Daisy and Matthew’s forgiveness. He told himself everything would be alright. It had to be. He cannot lose them.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Still, there was a small voice in his head that said, <em>What if I’m too late?</em></p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!<br/>Follow me on tumblr: @herondick</p></blockquote></div></div>
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